Tatters, a Black and Blue story
by Orion Lyonesse
Summary: Vila wasn't sure at first, so he followed the man in tattered clothing for several blocks. From the back, he was almost certain it was Kerr Avon, but an Avon like he'd never seen before.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Vila wasn't sure at first, so he followed the man in tattered clothing for several blocks.

From the back, he was almost certain it was Kerr Avon, but an Avon like he'd never seen before. The man was stooped, weary, slow, and so bedraggled. It couldn't' be Avon yet it was. It had to be.

Just as Vila had gotten up the courage to close the distance between them and address the stranger, he disappeared. Vila looked around frantically but found no trace of him.

There was only one thing he could think to do: he put an ad in the financial section of the news/fax, addressed to Shevron*, hoping it would catch Avon's attention and make him contact Vila.

Then he waited.

Why he didn't tell the others, even though he saw most of them every day, Vila couldn't quite make out. Okay, he didn't want them to think he was losing his sanity, for a start. As far as anyone else was concerned, Avon had killed Blake's clone, then disappeared on Gauda Prime. Since no one had seen him since then, Avon was presumed dead and buried. The rebellion had gone on without him just fine, with the real Roj Blake at the reins.

Maybe he was afraid the others would make fun of him for even caring enough to try to contact this particular ghost. Too many times to count, Avon had nearly gotten them all killed.

Leave well enough alone, Vila thought they'd tell him. They'd survived with no help from Avon. They were well off now, in careers that suited them. Why rock the life pod?

They'd looked for him, of course. Not because they ever expected to find him, but because they did want to know what had become of him. Maybe they'd hear of his death or find a grave.

But Avon had been his friend for much longer than he'd been the psychotic madman the others, except Blake, had known. Vila remembered the arrogant Alpha he'd first met, on the way to Gauda Prime. T\Remembered the sharp mind that had followed Blake and gotten them out of harm's way often enough. Remembered him as Vila's protector.

And Vila had to know.

Each day he went to work normally, as though nothing were bothering him. He consulted with Dayna, his head of security. He talked to Soolin briefly, but she was out of the system doing field work for the company. Tarrant dropped by, as usual, just to keep tabs on everything that was going on, and, oh, by the way, the fleet he headed needed something---money, new ships, snacks, whatever. He got what he needed, and perhaps a bit more, by keeping in personal contact with the CEO of Restal, Inc.

Throughout the day, though, Vila found himself at odd moments thinking about the weary, worn back he'd seen on the street. Wondering.

Vila's musings this morning were interrupted by Elsbeth, his personal assistant. Normally she was the unflappable rock upon which his life depended at work. Today, she burst in, highly agitated.

"Sir, there's a…person demanding to see you. He's rather insistent and I can't get rid of him," she apologized.

Vila leaned forward intently. "Is he dark-haired and dark-eyed, rather…tattered?"

Surprised, she said, "Yes sir. Do you know him? He wouldn't give his name."

"Oh, yes, Elsbeth, I know him," he replied, softly, distantly, as though seeing something long ago and far away. He shook his head, focusing on her again. "Please show him in and leave us alone until I call you."

"Certainly, sir." She retreated through the office door, casting curious glances over her shoulder, as if she thought her boss was losing his mind. While Mr. Restal was a kind and considerate boss and a dynamic businessman, he didn't usually associate with…riffraff.

Vila sat back in his comfortable, custom-made chair and bowed his head. Now that the moment had come, what was he going to say to Avon? He was lost in thought when the doors to his office burst open.

"Well?" Avon demanded, without preamble or greeting. "I saw you ad. I'm here. Now what?"

The arrogance and impatience were strangely out of place in this raggedy worn down man. Avon somehow didn't seem as tall as Vila remembered and he was certainly much older, older than he should have been. His shoulders were bowed, his hair still dark but with a white streak across both temples. That should have made him look distinguished, but it couldn't overcome the general air of neglect and poverty that hung around him like a blanket.

Vila began honestly. "You know, even though I'm president of a very successful corporation and have direct access to the president of the New Federation, I still find myself intimidated by you. Why is that, do you think?"

"Is this why you contacted me, Vila? To chat?" he growled.

"No, to be honest, I saw you on the street last week. At least I thought it was you. That's why I placed the ad. We've been looking for you for years. Why didn't you contact us? It's not like we were invisible!" Vila was almost shouting now, standing and leaning across his desk toward Avon, who stood silent for a moment before answering.

"No, you surely weren't invisible," he said more quietly. "May I have a seat, Vila, or shall we just stand here berating each other like a pair of rutting male animals?" He offered a small half smile and cocked his head in query.

Vila blinked at this abrupt about face, and sat down in his own chair, gesturing Avon toward one of the guest chairs facing his desk. Vila thought a moment, then rose again. Going around the desk, he took a seat next to Avon, mostly because he wanted to be closer to his old friend.

"That's better," Vila sighed. "Now, where have you been so long? We looked for you after Gauda Prime, we did! How did you escape, how'd you end up on Earth? Where…"

"Vila," Avon interrupted, "stop. I'm here now. I'd rather not talk about the past. Please get to the point. I had to take time off work to come here and I really can't afford it. Now, why did you contact me?" He spoke so quietly and tiredly that Vila was disconcerted. Where was the strength, the vitality, the magnetism that had always marked this man? What could have drained him to this point?

"Well, for one thing, I need you with my company. You're the best computer security expert I've ever known, and I need you with me. You could be a designer or a researcher or a trouble shooter. Anything you want to be. Please say yes, Avon. Join us," he pleaded.

Avon stared at Vila, considering. Vila could see the wheels turning in Avon's mind, but couldn't predict the outcome. Would he run away again? Laugh in his face? Or come in out of whatever hell Avon was living in?

Finally Avon broke the silence. "Us, Vila? Who's 'us'?"

"You mean you don't know? We're all in this company. I couldn't have done this alone, you know. Dayna is head of security, Soolin is security troubleshooter, Tarrant commands our fleet. Blake…Blake runs the New Federation, by himself, as far as we're concerned," he explained. His hand slice the air. "We'd had enough of rebellion, of politics, of politicians. As soon as we could, we pulled out of that business. This business seemed the logical choice."

"Yes, I'll bet it was," Avon said, sarcastically. He seemed unconvinced, but willing to listen to Vila. "How do you know I'm still as good as you remember? Maybe I've lost my edge, maybe even my mind. Are you willing to bet on me again?" He almost seemed to be trying to give Vila a way out of his offer.

"I don't believe I could place my bet on a better prospect," Vila said sincerely, leaning forward and placing a hand on Avon's arm.

Avon glance down curiously at Vila's hand, then up again into his eyes. Then, he smiled. Vila felt like the sun had just come out on a rainy day to see that smile again.

"If that's how you really feel, then, yes, Vila, I'll join you, join you all." His face clouded a little as he said, "But Vila, please don't tell Blake. He and I have too much unresolved issues between us for me to handle right now. Promise me?"

"All right, Avon, whatever you say. Just so you join us," he finished happily. He was going to enjoy telling the others of Avon and watching their expressions. He was still bothered that Avon wouldn't tell him where he'd been or what he'd been doing. It seemed strange that Avon seemed to need money so badly, but hadn't come to him for help. He hoped that maybe someday he'd find out.

* Shevron was a name Avon in the series as an alias.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

It had only been six months since Avon had come to work for Vila, but somehow he'd turned the whole organization upside down in that brief time. Now, all technical questions went to him first, not to Vila. He acted as a buffer between Vila and everyone else, except the core group, of course. His new innovations in computer security promised to revolutionize the business.

Through it all, while he worked long hours, he didn't socialize with anyone, not even the core group. After their initial shock at finding him alive, they all welcomed him back into the fold, as it were. But they couldn't manage to reintegrate him. He kept his distance from them all, no matter how they tried to include him in their lives. He remained an outsider, just as he appeared to want it. He went about his job very efficiently, then disappeared into his own private life at day's end.

Finally, Vila had had enough. He had to know where Avon went every night. Even though he knew Avon would view it as a severe invasion of his privacy, Vila felt it was worth the risk of Avon's ire.

Dressing down from his usual sartorial splendor, he loitered outside his own research facility, waiting for a certain dark head to appear.

When he did, Vila followed.

The trail led downscale economically, drastically. Eventually, Vila tailed Avon to a seedy area of residential buildings interspersed with a few businesses. Vila watched as Avon turned into a long low brick building labeled Greenhill Sanitarium. Vila frowned at the irony of the name---there was no greenery for miles around it.

It was over an hour before Avon reappeared, plodding, head bowed, sunk into himself.

Vila waited until Avon was almost upon him, then drifted out of his hiding place and fell into step at Avon's side. When he finally became aware of Vila, Avon jolted to a stop, grabbing Vila's arm and spinning him about, his whole body radiating fury.

"You followed me!" he spat out angrily. "Why?"

"I had to know what was driving you. You wouldn't talk to me. To us."

Abruptly, all the fight flowed out of Avon. Vila leaned toward him, but didn't dare touch him. There was something so fragile about Avon, Vila was sure he would break into more pieces than there were stars in the sky.

"You might as well talk to me now," Vila said softly, reasonably. "You know I can go in there and ask the authorities for the story. I'd rather hear it from you."

Avon sagged against the building with bowed head. His voice came low and dispirited.

"My wife is in there, Vila. Everything I earn goes toward keeping her there and treating her. She's…quite insane. We…met, fell in love, married. We…lost a child and it drove her over an edge she'd been skirting for years. She hasn't been sane since then. The doctors don't give me any hope that she will ever get better." He looked up at Vila with dark hooded eyes. Would Vila accept this much of his story, without probing for more? Without digging into the sanitarium for the truth?

He did. Righteous indignation filled the former thief.

"Avon, you're more of an idiot that you ever called me! You didn't have to hide this from us! We are your family. You can trust us to help you! I'll increase your salary to whatever you need for her care, just name a figure." Vila was affronted that Avon would try to carry this burden himself, and wanted to fix things. Right now!

Avon smiled to himself, though he was outwardly stone-faced. Vila had bought it whole cloth. That meant he wouldn't check up with the sanitarium, for which he was mightily thankful.

He admitted, "Vila, that's a load off my mind. Yes, of course I'll accept you offer. I…never came to you with my problem because I thought of it as MY responsibility to care for her. It didn't occur to me to ask for help." He looked down at the sidewalk again. "I guess that's one of my problems. I don't know when to ask for help. Thank you, Vila. Um, could you not tell the others? I'd rather they didn't know. It would just…make them feel sorry for me, and I couldn't stand that."

"Of course, Avon. I don't think they need to know either," Vila replied.

Avon sighed with relief. He'd gotten by with his half-truth. Maybe, just maybe, he'd never have to reveal his secret.

***

It was exactly a year since Avon had returned to the group and started working for Vila. In a perhaps misguided attempt to reintegrate him into their group, Dayna, Tarrant, and Vila had planned something special to celebrate the occasion. They'd set Vila to ambush the tech and bring him to the festivities.

That's why Vila was standing sentry outside Avon's lab that day, watching through the windows of the lab's double doors as Avon wrapped things up for the day. Thus, he saw Avon start and reach for his pager when it went off. They'd all wondered about the pager that never left his belt, but none of them had ever dared ask its purpose.

Vila was about to find out.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Avon ripped the pager from his belt, looking quickly about to see if anyone else was in the lab. He didn't see Vila and the lab itself was empty, so he must have felt safe to trigger its message screen.

As Vila watched, Avon blanched and swayed as if struck by a mighty blow. Although he quickly recovered, clutching a counter for balance, he remained white. Discarding his lab coat in a heap on the floor, he bolted for the door, running right into Vila.

"Get out of my way…" Avon snarled. He fought Vila, battling blindly.

Vila barely held onto Avon, clutching his struggling body to keep the man from escaping.

"Avon, what's wrong?"

At Vila's words, Avon froze, realizing belatedly that it was his friend. Avon didn't want to hear or acknowledge the concern evident in Vila's voice. He couldn't take it right this moment. If he did, he feared he'd break down.

"Nothing, nothing's wrong," Avon protested, not at all convincingly. "I…have to leave now. Um, something important's come up. I have to go now," he finished.

"I saw you get that message, Avon, and I know you're upset about something. Out with it," Vila demanded, barring Avon's way, a rather stupid thing to do, if Vila had stopped to think about it.

Avon went dead still, staring at Vila with burning dark eyes. He opened his mouth and raised his hand to remonstrate Vila, but changed his mind and let his arm fall limply to his side. Vila sighed inwardly in relief that he hadn't pushed Avon to violence upon his person.

Coming to a quick decision, Avon said in a defeated voice, "Come on, Vila. I have to hurry. You'll find out everything when we get there." His eyes were unreadable, but his body was tense and stiff, his usual graceful movements turned jerky and abrupt.

Vila nodded. "Let's take my vehicle. Where are we going?" he inquired as he hurried to match Avon's stride.

He wasn't prepared for Avon's anguished answer.

"To the sanitarium. My wife is dying."

Grey skies added to the dreary atmosphere as they drove up to Greenhill Sanitarium. A tall, red-haired man in a white coat waited for them at the front door. His serious demeanor only increased Avon's tension as he poised on the seat next to Vila.

Almost before they'd stopped, Avon sprang out of the vehicle, querying anxiously, "Dr. Jamesian, how is she?"

"Nothing has changed since I contacted you, Mr. Shevron. Her condition began to worsen last night, but accelerated today. I'm sorry, sir, but I don't know of any way to reverse the process. She's just drifting away," Jamesian answered, regret and caring evident in his manner and his pale blue eyes.

"I knew this would happen eventually," Avon said sorrowfully. "Just not so soon. He sounded as though a part of himself were dying, which Vila perceived was the truth. He saw how greatly Avon must love this woman that he had sacrificed so much for.

Walking rapidly down antiseptic halls painted depressing greens and grays, they arrived at what was clearly an intensive care ward. While about them nurses and staff bustled and equipment sighed and beeped, the three of them seemed to move in a bubble of silence.

Jamesian led the way to an observation window. Inside the bare white room lay one bed and one single tiny occupant.

"Servalan," Vila breathed softly to himself. Avon glanced sharply at Vila and cast him a warning look that quickly shut Vila up.

Turning to the doctor, he inquired anxiously, "Can I go in, doctor? Will it make things worse?"

"I don't' think you could hurt her now, and perhaps you will ease things for her," replied the doctor kindly. "Go in, Mr. Shevron. You haven't much time." The doctor turned away, unable to bare the naked grief on Avon's face, knowing he could do nothing for either the man or his wife.

Recovering from his shock, Vila placed a gentle hand on Avon's shoulder in an effort to give his friend strength. Avon glanced at him, a quirk of his lips conveying his gratitude. Then he entered the white room.

Vila watched as Avon walked quietly over to the bed and laid a tender, hesitant hand on the thin pale arm that lay abandoned atop the covers.

Vila listened on the intercom to IC Control as Avon spoke.

"My lady, I'm here. Please come back and speak to me, my love." There was so much love in Avon's words, in his touch, in his face. Vila was touched to the heart.

Avon sat down carefully on the edge of the bed and took Servalan's limp hand in his. He shivered slightly at the coldness of that once lovely, elegant hand. He wrapped his own two hands around hers, trying to warm it up. He breathed warmly on her captured hand and bent to kiss it tenderly.

At his kiss, her eyes opened.

At first he thought she wouldn't know him, which had happened many times in the past. This time, though, was different. Her lovely dark eyes opened and focused on his face. Then, wonder of wonders, she smiled lovingly up into his eyes.

Avon was the one warmed from deathly cold by that smile. "My dear, I'm here," he said softly.

Servalan said nothing for a moment. She looks so very tired, Avon thought, as though living is more of a burden than she can bear, which…is probably the truth.

When she spoke, her voice was very low and still beautifully velvety. "Avon, my love, don't look so sad. We had our time together, a lovely time. Now you have to let me go."

Tears fell unheeded down Avon's face. He shook his head. "No, you can't go now. I won't let you go. You must fight it, my dear, fight it!" His words were forceful, but backed by little hope.

"I can't fight any longer, love. I've no strength left. I used all that I had just to be able to speak to you now. I know I haven't been coherent or even sane for a long time. As I wore out though, I knew I had to force my way out of that dark room I lived in, one last time…once more. I had to tell you how much I love you and thank you for all the loveliness we had together. Please, Avon. Take care of yourself. For me. I love you so much." Her voice had gone even softer toward the last.

As she stopped, Avon rushed in fearfully, "You mustn't go, my love! I need you. I love you…" He was crying unabashedly now.

She lifted her hand free of his to touch his cheek one last time, a light, intimate caress that Avon leaned into, closing his eyes for a brief moment. He lifted one hand to cover her tiny one. "I know, Avon, I know." She smiled and was gone.

Avon cried in anguish, "No! Come back, my love, come back!"

Vila, daring Avon's wrath, rushed into the room to comfort his friend, his own tears falling unchecked.

Avon had collapsed across the bed and was cradling her in his arms, rocking back and forth. "She's gone, Vila, She's gone. I'm alone again, alone!" he sobbed.

Vila put his arms around Avon's shoulders and drew him up, away from her and into a tight embrace. "She's gone, but you're not alone, Avon! You have me and you have Dayna and Soolin and Tarrant." He held Avon away, far enough to catch his eyes, repeating, "You are not alone anymore!"

Avon leaned into Vila again, sobbing into his shoulder. Vila stroked Avon's hair and neck and back, trying to soothe him as he would a child, and still the tremors shaking the man.

When gradually the sobbing abated, Vila led Avon out of the white room and into the waiting room. Avon paused at the door to look back one last time at his beloved Servalan. Tears yet coursed down his face, but he was beginning to calm.

Sitting them both down, he kept one arm still around Avon, though his mind was buzzing with all the questions he had since first spying Servalan…Avon's wife. How could this possibly have happened? Hadn't she chased them across the galaxy? Hadn't she ruined every plan they put in place? Hadn't she been responsible for the deaths of their friends and countless more?

"Can you tell me how this all happened, Avon? Can you talk about it with me, now?" he asked, hardly expecting an answer, but not being able to contain himself any longer. He hoped that talking would give Avon some distance from his grief.

Avon looked up at Vila with his tear-stained face and nakedly sorrowing eyes and, incredibly, smiled.

"She said you wouldn't believe it when you found out I'd married her. She was right, as usual." His voice was harsh from crying, but seemed calm enough to Vila.

"She save me, after Gauda Prime. She found me wandering about on my own. I was quite mad, you know. Well, of course you knew I was insane there at the end, to want to kill Blake." He sighed deeply in remembered pain. Glancing up at Vila, he said, "I'm glad Blake survived, but at the time I did desire to kill him. I'm not sure why, even now." He stared down at his hands again before continuing.

"I never knew why she saved me, kept me, cured me. I know what you're thinking---maybe I was a pet, a specimen, whatever. But you're wrong. She cared for me, and eventually I came to care for her. We spent a lot of time together while I…recuperated. We talked, just talked, at first at least. She was so intelligent and witty. We had a lot in common, we found. As I got better, I guess we…fell in love. I know it sounds corny, but it was as though we were each created with the other in mind.

"She brought us both back to Earth. I fear her involvement with me may have made her pay less attention to you rebels. Anyway, when things went from bad to worse to impossible, she lost control of everything. When the end came and she was ruined and in danger for her life, she didn't know what to do. She hadn't expected to be deposed so thoroughly, so quickly, and she hadn't an escape planned. When it was evident to me that she was in danger, I…took her away, into hiding. I changed our names, got a job to support us both, then…we just lived.

"At first she accepted it all. Her loss of power, her dependence on me, her isolation. But gradually it began to prey on her mind. She became…irrational, prone to fits of rage and depression. In between, we were very happy and still in love, if you can believe that. She was beautiful, supportive, attentive. Her great depth of character was an endless source of wonder to me. I loved her, Vila, can you understand that?" He stopped and looked up. For Vila, the pain and loss in his eyes was almost unbearable.

"I can see that, Avon. And I could see that she loved you, too. Greatly. I'm glad you had some good times together, between all the bad ones. You'll have to remember the good times now and forget the bad ones. She'd want you to remember the good times, don't you think?" He hugged Avon harder to him, for the man was shaking.

Partly muffled by Vila's shirt, Avon's voice came quietly, "You're right, as always where people are concerned. You see too much sometimes, Vila, but I'm glad you were here with me…at the end." He drew away, looking Vila squarely in the face.

"Thank you for being my friend when I needed you most," he said sincerely. A small corner of Vila's mind was shocked and gratified to hear Avon acknowledge him, even at this late date.

He ventured, "Will you be all right? Can you…go on now?"

Avon managed a half smile at Vila's concern. "With your help…and the others, I think I can…as she wanted me to, I think. Yes, that's what she would have wanted for me. But Vila, I'll have to tell the others about her. I can't keep the most precious part of my life a secret forever, just because they didn't like her, can I? She was important to me. I loved her and I won't forget her, as long as I live," he ended vehemently.

Vila nodded, "Yes, I think that's a good plan. I can help you with it. For making you happy and for saving your life, she deserves to be remembered by you and by your friends." Vila released Avon and turned the man to face him.

"We'll get through this together, you and I. Okay?"

Avon's eyes were shining with new tears, this time of gratitude.

"Okay, Vila, yes. Okay."

A/N I hope you've enjoyed my unorthodox pairing of Avon and Servalan. As usual, everyone got bashed.

Please review?


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